With Love, Katie.
cusNow, before we dive deep: do you know that this “il dolce far niente” thing is the base of everything that this blog represents? And why?
There are days when I sit on the edge of my bed after putting the kids to sleep, the house finally still, and I realize I haven’t taken a deep breath all day. Not the kind of breath that reaches your belly, the kind that reminds you you’re alive.
Like many women—especially mothers, caretakers, dreamers—I’ve spent so much of my life measuring time by tasks. Well, did I do that, done that, did I forget something again, did I finish some small tasks… Productivity became quietan obsession, but not only for me. Even rest had to be earned and even joy had to be useful, cuz we moms never have time, do we?
But there came a moment (maybe for you too) when I couldn’t keep going like that. When I needed softness more than structure. When I longed for something I didn’t yet have words for, yet i knew it was not something expensive, something i can put my hand on it.
That’s when I discovered il dolce far niente. And I relly belived this is a healthy choice.
What Does Il Dolce Far Ninente Mean?
Il dolce far niente is an Italian phrase that translates to “the sweetness of doing nothing.” They do not use this phrase, they live by this. It’s not laziness, oh no, listen to me, I am a mom of two, they are moms, hard working people too… But italians have learned the art of being present without needing to produce.
Imagine:
- Sitting in the sun with a warm drink, no agenda, just yourself
- Watching your child play while you let your thoughts wander, meaning being present
- Lying down in the middle of the afternoon just because it feels good
- Or just be present at your work and makins sure you make small pauses
It’s those in-between moments that don’t have a name in your planner, but fill your soul in a way no checklist ever could.
And more than ever, I believe we need this practice—not just as a treat, but as a form of healing.
Why We Resist to The Dolce Far Niente?
Because the world tells us doing nothing is wasting time and we really forget what slow-living actually means.
We live in a culture that worships hustle and we are praised for being busy. And especially as mothers, we feel this pressure to constantly give.
But here’s the truth I’ve come to learn: burnout doesn’t make you a better mother, partner, friend, or human. Constant productivity doesn’t make life more meaningful. It just makes it more full—of noise, of pressure, of disconnection.
And eventually I needed a therapist to get over this feeling and this made me closer to nature, so seasonal living and slow-living too became a part of me.
Doing nothing, in its truest form, is a rebellion. A quiet, sacred rebellion.
What Il Dolce Far Niente Feels Like, Even As a Mom?
It feels like:
- Your shoulders dropping as you exhale into a moment: learn to relax yourself easy.
- Drinking your coffee while it’s still hot, just for you or maybe a good matcha to support your hormones.
- Sitting with a book and letting yourself reread the same paragraph three times
- Taking a bath in silence, no podcast, no scrolling
It feels like choosing presence over pressure.
My Journey Into This Practice
I didn’t embrace dolce far niente all at once. It started with guilt of course, beacause I am a mom. I did feel guilt when I didn’t work during nap time or just let the laundry sit for 2 days, but I even felt the fuilt when I laid down on the couch in the middle of the day, while the girls were playing. But listen to me, why would not be this normal? And why the heck i felt the guit?
But I started to listen to that guilt. To ask what it was trying to protect. And I realized—it wasn’t protecting me. It was protecting a belief system that was never mine to begin with. Because for generations, woment did this. My mom learnt me to do this.
So I started small:
- Five minutes of coffee or tea in the afternoon, in the sun or wind, but without my phone
- A short walk without trying to make it exercise, just looking at the ducks
- Letting myself nap without shame, because I am a mom, for fck sake, and I am a tired mom
And slowly, those small moments became portals. Moments of stillness where I felt more like myself than I had in years.
How You Can Practice Il Dolce Far Niente?
If this idea feels good to you but also a little scary—you’re not alone. Here are gentle ways to begin:
1. Start with intention. Doing nothing isn’t about zoning out. It’s about tuning in. Set the scene: light a candle, open a window, wrap yourself in a soft blanket. Let your body know this is safe. Make is cozy.
2. Begin with just 5-10 minutes. Lie down. Sip something warm. Watch the light shift. Breathe. Feel. Listen the birds. Connect with nature. That’s enough.
3. Release the guilt. Remind yourself that your rest nourishes everyone around you. You are allowed to be a human being, not just a human doing.
4. Invite the senses. Play soft music. Smell something beautiful. Wear something cozy. The more sensory the moment, the more grounding it becomes.
5. Let the moment be unproductive. This might be the hardest part. You’re not meditating, or planning something, but not even manifesting: you are just being and feeling alive.
Why It Matters (Especially Now)?
We’re living in overstimulated bodies, raising little ones in an overstimulated world. If we want to pass on calm, presence, and joy—we have to model it. Not perfectly, but intentionally.
When we choose dolce far niente, we:
- Regulate our nervous system
- Reconnect with our intuition
- Begin to trust life again
And we teach our children that rest is sacred, not selfish.
Your Invitation For A Healthy Dolce Far Niente
Let this blog, this space, be your little refuge. A corner of the internet where you’re not expected to fix yourself, or hustle, or prove anything.
Just breathe and read something that makes your brain want to relax. Try one moment today maybe a small pause between tasks where you enjoy a sip of tea without your phone.
It’s not a waste. It’s your way back to yourself.
