With Love, Katie.
r maThere are days when I sit down at the end of the night and my body feels exhausted, even if I haven’t physically done all that much. And yet, my mind is buzzing just before sleep: I’ve remembered the grocery list, the kindergarten emails and prgrams, the vitamin refill, the birthday party of my babies best friend, the laundry in the machine- once again, the emotional needs of everyone in the house, and oh—that one message I still need to answer, cuz my best friend just gave birth…
This is the mental load.
It’s not always visible. It’s not always acknowledged. But it’s real, and for many women—especially mothers—it’s heavy. There are statistics that proves that women are doin thousends of hours of invisible load.. really.
What Is the Mental Load?
The mental load is the invisible labor of managing life: put it simple: it is the ongoing, often invisible list of things to remember, plan, anticipate, and manage.
It’s not just what you do, but more of what you hold: and we all knoe, this is the list that is never ending.
For women, especially, the mental load often includes:
- Planning meals and shopping lists
- Keeping track of family schedules
- Anticipating emotional needs
- Remembering birthdays, appointments, and to-dos
- Monitoring the health, habits, and happiness of others
- Managing household rhythms, mess, and maintenance
It’s like being the project manager of an entire household—but without the job title or breaks.
Why It’s So Draining?
The mental load isn’t just tiring because it’s a lot of information. It’s draining because it’s constant.
There’s no off switch, because you carry it through your workday, your downtime, your sleep.
And because much of it is internal—no one sees it unless it’s forgotten—it often goes unacknowledged, which can lead to resentment, overwhelm, or burnout.
The Emotional Layer
It’s not just logistics. The mental load carries emotional weight.
- Worry: Am I doing enough? And the worry doubles when you are a mom…
- Guilt: Did I forget something again? And again, as a mom, ypu tend to forget things…
- Pressure: I have to hold this together. Beacuse once again, we, moms, have to everything right, not?
These feelings can take a toll on your nervous system, your energy, and your sense of self.
How to Lighten the Load (Without Letting Everything Fall Apart)
Let’s be real: you can’t always drop everything and disappear into a spa retreat. But you can start to create space. Lighten your mind. Set things down. Ask for more support. Here are small but powerful ways to begin.
1. Name What You’re Carrying
Half the weight comes from carrying it silently. Start by writing it down. All of it. The practical and the emotional. Get it out of your head and onto paper. You’ll be surprised how much you’re holding.
This is not a to-do list. It’s a truth list.
This can be your real talk with your husband, after the children fell asleep, or this can be your quiet 10 minutes of journaling.
2. Create Mental Offloading Rituals
Build a rhythm into your day for clearing your mind.
- Morning brain dump
- Evening reset list
- Weekly planner session with soft music
Let this be a loving ritual, not a task.
3. Outsource Without Guilt
Can someone else pick up the groceries or maybe can a partner take over bath time?
You don’t have to do it all to be a good woman. Delegating is not weakness. It’s wisdom.
4. Reduce Decisions Where You Can
Decision fatigue is real. Simplify where it makes sense:
- Create a weekly meal plan and rotate it
- Have a “uniform” for home days
- Set fixed cleaning rhythms (e.g., laundry on Tuesdays)
Fewer decisions = more energy.
5. Use Visual Tools
You shouldn’t be the only one who remembers everything. Use:
- A family calendar, put it on the fridge, make sure everybody sees it.
- A shared grocery list, make sure you share it, and sometimes somebody else can shop the things
- A visible chore chart, so when the children grow up be part of the chore
This brings the invisible load into the light, where others can help carry it.
6. Say No (And Mean It)
You don’t need to justify your no, like why would you? It really takes time to say no… Your bandwidth is a boundary. Protect it. Not every party, favor, or event needs your yes. Not even every familymember, please pleqse remember this.
Each no is a yes to your own peace.
7. Rest Like It’s a Task
If rest feels impossible because your brain won’t stop—try scheduling it in like anything else. Set a timer. Lie down. Breathe. Even ten minutes helps reset your system.
You deserve to rest before you’re broken.
8. Talk About It
Don’t carry it silently. Share the concept of the mental load with your partner, your friends, your support circle. Awareness changes everything.
You don’t have to be a martyr. You don’t have to hold it all.
💡 My Book Recommendation for You
If this post resonated with you, I highly recommend Releasing the Mother Load by Erica Djossa.
It’s a powerful, validating read that explores how societal expectations weigh on women and mothers—and how to release those pressures with compassion, awareness, and practical steps. Think of it as a soft, supportive hand on your shoulder.
Final thoughts
Lightening the mental load isn’t about abandoning your life. It’s about honoring your capacity. Reclaiming your brain. Making space to be, not just manage.
What if your home life didn’t feel like project management or what if your worth wasn’t tied to how much you remember?
Listen to me, you are not a walking to-do list, but a warm soul. A woman with needs and limits and dreams. Go and make the happen.
